oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
