Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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