You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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