Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
