walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
