Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
