There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize