Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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