I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
