Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize