The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
