just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
