Umm I'm too high to move.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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