he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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