Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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