somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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