Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
