As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
