I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize