You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As shirtless as possible
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
