sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
