can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
