think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
