a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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