I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize