I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
