Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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