: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
