just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize