he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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