My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
