come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
