Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize