i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
