she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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