If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize