ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
