he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
