Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize