alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
