So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
