I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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