I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
