I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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