The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The adults are the big ones right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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