We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do vagina's smell?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
