I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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