using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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