I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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