$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The Olympian is in my bed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
