Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
