please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
