his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
