Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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