In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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