So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
