I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
