12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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