he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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