think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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