So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
