he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
