i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
