New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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