He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize