Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
